You haven’t been to a mart until you…

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That’s Farming’s take on you haven’t been to a mart until you…

Have a full Irish from the canteen;
Bid and buy;
Purchase a beast that you had no intention of buying;
Argue with your friend who wants to buy the same beast as you;
Toss a coin to navigate out of an argument;
Have tea or coffee with the full neighbourhood;
Meet at least one person who you have not seen in years;
Bring the chequebook;
Have a regular spot around the ring;
Do not know what ‘stan on’ or ‘on the bridge’ mean;
You have not used expressions such as ‘she is as long as a train’, ‘she is weighing empty’ or ‘she is a cracking sort with hidden flesh’
Have a special mart outfit with a quilted jacket, jeans, a checked blouse/shirt, and Chelsea/dealer boots.

In a previous article, That’s Farming listed things people do not tell you about dating a mart-goer

Consider a trip to the mart a date;
Social events must not clash with mart sales;
If you want to go away for the weekend, it must be from Saturday evening (after the mart) onwards until Sunday evening (back in time for Monday morning’s sale);
Bank Holidays are for special weanling sales, not scenic road trips;
Sundays are for playing ‘catch up’ via LSL Premium and Mart Eye’s Clips;
If you plan to go to a Saturday wedding, prepare for ‘the afters’ only, as your other half has a mart sale to attend first;
Their mart attire must be in ‘ready to wear’ condition each morning;
If you want to go shopping, gear up for a day out at the mart;
If you want to go shopping and do not fancy going to the mart, pick a town that has a shopping centre and a mart;
Do not get offended if they are glued to their phone (MartEye or LSL Auctions) during dinner/lunch/tea;
They will spend their evenings talking to fellow mart-goers via phone about trade, their purchasers, various lots, ect;
They may rope you into hauling cattle to and from marts at dawn or dusk;
You must have your mart/dealer boots in the back of your vehicle at all times;
Prepare for mayhem at the back end of the year. They have some of the biggest cattle and sheep sales of the year to attend;
They attend marts from Monday to Saturday inclusive but will not deal on a Sunday.